I hope you’re stupid in love – not stupid at love

Real Help for Real Living

by Rev. Tony Marciano

One of my favorite love songs is “When a man loves a woman” by Percy Sledge. I’ll give you a second to check it out on Youtube and get back to me…
When I was in my early 20s, the question was, “How do you know you’re in love?” The simple answer is, “You just know it.”
Today, I’d also add, “You get stupid – in a good way.”
In my junior year of college, there was a certain girl I thought was really good looking. I’d seen her from a distance when we were in a meeting together. Her picture was often in our school newspaper.  During my last semester of college, she happened to be in two of my classes. After class, we would go to the library and talk.
The problem for Joan was that I had just met Dot a few months before. When Joan and I got together in the library, I would tell her how incredible Dot was. Joan was very patient with me and just listened to me go on and on about Dot.
Before I tell you my recent “stupid in love” story, let me encourage you not to be “stupid at love.” I’ve asked many women why they stayed in dating relationships when their mother and friends both asked, “What do you see in him?” The reply is always the same: “You don’t know him like I know him. Deep down inside he’s a great guy.”
The truth is that secretly your plan is to change him through your love. Let me help you: It’s not going to happen. If you don’t like how he treats you when you’re dating, walk away. It’s not going to get better after you get married. Don’t let your fear of not finding someone else keep you in an unhealthy relationship.
OK – my recent “stupid in love” story. My wife and I don’t have a love song, so I’m always trying to find one. One day I’m driving along and a song comes on the radio. It’s the one I want to make our song. I speed dial my wife and shout “Listen to this” and then hold my phone over the dashboard of the car, where the center speaker is.
Problem was I thought I was driving a 1963 Chevy Impala. Back then, all the cars had AM radio and only one speaker in the center of the dashboard. My Altima didn’t have a speaker in the center of the dash. In its place were three air vents blowing cold air full speed into my phone. All my wife heard was a hurricane.
Excitedly I asked her, ‘What do you think?” to which she replied, “I couldn’t hear it.” Realizing I was coming close to the end of the song, I shouted, “LISTEN CLOSE” and held the phone over the three air ducts still thinking I am driving an Impala with the speaker in the center of the dashboard.
The song ended and I again asked, “What do you think?”  She said, “All I heard was blowing noise like I was in a storm.” The fantasy ended. My ’63 Chevy Impala became a Nissan Altima, and she never heard the song.
I don’t care how many years you’ve been married. Don’t let your marriage become a business – you pay the mortgage and he mows the grass. Rather, be stupid in love – especially when that great love song comes on the air waves. But remember, the speakers are in the door and not in the dashboard.
I’ll be back in two weeks. Until then, live well my friends.

The Rev. Tony Marciano is executive director of the Charlotte Rescue Mission and a regular South Charlotte Weekly columnist. He is available to speak to your group. Call 704-334-4635, ext. 213, to schedule him.

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